To make matters even worse, for the last three weeks, each morning when I got up I felt nauseous for a while. It had nothing to do with what I ate or what I did. It came on as I got out of bed in the morning and stayed with me for about an hour. Then I it went away.On top of all this I was beginning to think I was losing my mind. I was so emotional. I could cry at any moment. Everything scared me. This terror was driving me nuts. I was overcome by anxiety, sadness, fear, and self loathing. I struggled to keep a hold on my mind.Along with everything else, I was possessed by demon emotions I could not explain. Wild elusion would overcome me. How, in the midst of all this, would I be possessed by erotic desires like I had never known?It could happen any time, but particularly at night in bed I could be driven out of my mind by strange, wild, sexual fantasies. The most common fantasy was one in which I would be a disassociated, third party observing what happened to me that day at the. “I wonder where your mom went in ... Oh,” Eric said just as I noticed that there was one in front of my lap also.“FUCK!” I said a little too loud as I walked straight for the aisle heading for the doors.“Tim!” Eric called, hurrying to catch up with me. “Where are you going?”I shouted behind me, “OUT! I’m NOT going to allow THAT ... THAT THING be seen my mother’s WEDDING!”I went outside for a few minutes, then came back in and sought out someone who worked for the church. I found one of the priests talking to some weasel faced woman and interrupted their discussion a bit rudely.“May I help you, my son?”“Yes, Father. How much would it cost to replace one of the big stained glass windows?”“One of our windows?” he said, looking up and around for anything amiss.“Yes. Just how much would it cost?”“I don’t rightly know. A considerable amount, I’m sure.”I got my wallet out and said, “Do you take Visa or Mastercard?”“I’m sorry, son. I’m afraid I don’t understand. None of the windows are in.
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